Children's Bereavement

Yesterday I attended a diagnosis of TB in HIV/AIDS positive patients session, children’s bereavement session, laughter therapy session, and the HPCA annual general meeting.
The Sibaya lodge where we are staying is massive, and has the feeling of a luxury resort that is in the middle of nowhere: completely autonomous, and completely transferable. Aside from the South African décor and the musical click-filled languages that are heard in the halls, this lodge could be in many countries, there is little to suggest we are on the outskirts of Durban.
I went to the Children’s bereavement session in the lodge’s nightclub.
Sitting below cages that I imagine are used for dancing in the light of the still revolving disco ball overhead we are learning about a child’s experience of bereavement and the experience of losing of a child. Somehow, the setting doesn’t detract from this rich, albeit devastating topic. In the daytime hours of this artificially lit nightclub we connect and learn from one another, especially highlighting the importance of play in working with children in palliative care.
Play is the invitation to a relationship.
As we describe ourselves and our situations through dolls we are given I look around at the way the dolls are being held - truly held, cradled, or nestled with each hospice and palliative care worker, volunteer, and manager. Through the exercises and sharing, I learnt how many of these people had experienced a significant loss, of a sibling or immediate family member, recently, or in childhood. I was again struck by the openness of this community I’ve stumbled into; each person stood and shared their experience of loss and grief with others who have similar experiences or understandings.
We hear a story:
A young woman wanted a child desperately. After waiting a long time, she finally had a beautiful baby. This baby was perfection in everyway. The woman was completely happy and did everything she could to take care of and love her baby. And then one day the baby grew sick and died. The woman was devastated. Sobbing, she wrapped up and strapped the child to her back. She carried the baby many miles to see a famous medicine man, whom she had heard might be able to heal her baby. She brings the baby to the medicine man and begs him to heal her child. The medicine man says to her, “I will absolutely do this thing that you ask of me, but first you must do something for me”. The woman says, “I will do anything - anything, to heal my baby”. And so the medicine man tells her, “You must bring me a cup of sugar from a house that has not seen loss”. Consenting, the woman goes out into the world looking for this house. She travels from house to house, all over the world, for a very long time. Finally she comes back to the medicine man and she says, “I am ready to bury my child”.